Judges Face Difficulty at Muslim Beauty Contest

Halab, Syria


According to judges Ahmed Byakadah and Omaro Portuadahba, judging a Muslim beauty contest can be quite difficult. "With so many beautiful contestants it's very hard to make cuts. All of these women have such great talent and exuberant beauty it was hard to tell them they had to go home," says Byakadah. The show commenced with a breathtaking evening gown competition (pictured above) and moved swiftly into the talent competition and swimsuit competition. Interestingly each woman chose praying to be her talent, and chose to flaunt a swimsuit strikingly similar to her evening gown. "These factors made it increasingly more difficult to decide on the winner," claimed Portuadahba, "they all looked so beautiful and seductive in those swimsuits, and each could pray most solemnly to Allah...I really had a difficult time making the final cuts."

But alas, a winner was chosen and local favorite Fatima Mukhtar narrowly edged out Afaf Salami. Fatima is pictured here holding the green trophy with Afaf standing by in second place.


As you can see both candidates are strikingly gorgeous and the decision for the winner was very difficult indeed.

Landscaper Begins Career as Land-Escaper

San Clemente, CA



New California resident/illegal immigrant Jose Arboles recently escaped his native land of Baja Mexico in order to start a new career. The decision came two months earlier when he couldn't feed his wife and 8 children from the money he made selling dried mangos and bananas to tourists in Tiajuana. Jose told his family, "Necesito huir esta paiz porque es imposible para hacer dinero aqui. Yo se` que si yo trabajare` en los Estados Unidos yo puedo hacer mucho dinero que aqui." (I need to flee this country because it is impossible to make money here. I know that if I work in the U.S. I can make more money than [I can] here.)

7 weeks ago Jose made the jump and escaped his native land of mexico. Initially Jesus was worried about finding a job, but whilst waiting on the illegal immigrant employment bench a gringo approached him in a landscaping truck, uttered a few strange words, looked him up and down, and grabbed Jose for work. Jose knew this was an opportunity of a lifetime and worked harder than he has ever worked in his life for 12 hours straight, of which at the end of the day he was paid the most he's ever been paid in his life, 50 dollars. His good work didn't go unnoticed and he was asked to come back to work the following day.

Jose is currently employed with Nick's Landscaping and lives happily in the slum huts with his fellow illegal brethren. He sends home 80 percent of his earnings in hopes to someday pay for his family to come to the promise land where his wife may work as a housecleaner and his kids can join the local gang.

New Grand Theft NBA Allows Gamers to Experience Life-Like NBA Scenarios

Gamers are going buckwild after the announcement today that EA sports and Rockstarz Games, the creator of the popular Grand Theft games, are getting together to create a life-like reality based game about the lives of NBA players. Rumor has it that the game will most likely be branded, "Grand Theft NBA", but some secret sources are saying they're playing around with other names such as: "NBA Thugathon" or "The Indiana Pacers". The video game creators are promoting such real life features as brawling with the crowds, shooting guns at night clubs, and standing in front of a court judge. There is even a special feature that can be unlocked where you can join in a real life gangbang or record your own rap song where it will help you write the lyrics by supplying buzzwords such as kill, bitch, niggaz, and mothafuckas. "This type of game hybridization is truly leading the forefront in the video game industry," says Alan Greenboro, CEO of Rockstarz Games, "we expect many video game companies will follow suit in order to keep up with the trend." An anonymous informant claims PS will soon come out with "Mike Tyson's Donkey Punch Out" by Christmas time in order to contain some part of the market share.